When I was growing up, I was taught to see the world in black and white.
Right and wrong.
Truth and lies.
Good people and bad people.
I was raised in a high-control religious environment—a group I now understand to be a cult—where every choice was measured by rigid definitions of morality. I was surrounded by people who saw any disagreement as a threat. People who could not take an insult or admit a shortcoming without flying into a spiral of shame, anger, or revenge. People who would burn down everything around them just to feel right again.
In other words: I grew up around narcissists.
There’s one universal truth about narcissists, whether they’re angry and aggressive or quiet and calculating:
They will spend money they don’t have, burn bridges they can’t rebuild, and lose relationships they need, all in an attempt to get the last word or “set the record straight.” Their pride is the driver, and the cost of revenge is never too high.
In my early years of running All Nation Restoration in Austin, I adopted some of those patterns myself—without realizing it.
I wasn’t trying to be toxic. I just believed, on a deep level, that being right was the most important thing in the room. If I was wronged, I had to prove it. If a customer or an employee crossed the line, I had to take a stand.
I thought that’s what leadership was.
I thought that’s what strength was.
I thought that’s what being a man was.
As the years passed, and as my business scaled and grew, that mindset stopped working.
It started costing me energy. Time. Money. Relationships. Peace.
I began to see the pattern clearly:
People obsessed with principle and pride rarely win in business—or in life.
They may win the argument, but they lose the outcome.
They may “set the record straight,” but they leave everything else in shambles.
That’s when I made a major shift in my mindset.
I stopped asking, “Who’s right?”
And I started asking, “What outcome do I want—and how do we both win?”
It was uncomfortable.
It felt like surrender.
But in time, it made me stronger—and more successful—than I ever could have been trying to win every fight.
The Narcissists Won’t Change—So Don’t Try
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in 15+ years of business is this:
You can’t talk a narcissist out of feeling slighted.
You can’t logic someone out of obsessing over a personal vendetta.
You can’t make them stop wasting money, time, or emotional energy just to “prove a point.”
What you can do is refuse to participate.
Let them scream.
Let them sue.
Let them talk.
You focus on outcomes.
You move forward.
You protect your peace.
Life is not always fair. People will attack you. Some will lie about you. Others will try to bait you into a fight.
In those moments, stop and ask yourself:
What’s the best possible outcome here—and how can I move toward that?
Forget winning the argument.
Win your peace, your future, your vision.
And to those who have already sacrificed their happiness, their finances, their relationships, and their credibility at the altar of wounded narcissistic pride—I see you. I truly pity the path you’ve taken.
But the good news is: you can choose a different one today.
Because in business, as in life, the person who wins isn’t the one who yells the loudest—it’s the one who keeps building.
⸻
Stay strong.
Stay focused.
And stay in business
