As most of you know from past posts, I was born into a highly controlling religious organization a group that branded itself as non-denominational Christian but operated with deep ties to Old Testament law. In essence, the founder of the organization believed he could resurrect the very institution Jesus came to tear down. They called it spiritual guidance. But what it really was, at its core, was coercive control.
I left that organization as a teenager. I was angry, disillusioned, and heartbroken over how people were treated. I saw manipulation, a hunger for power, and leaders who profited off of people’s search for salvation. As Jesus once said: they were selling salty water to thirsty souls.
Those early experiences didn’t just shape my worldview they shaped how I built All Nation Restoration here in Austin.
When I started this company at 18 years old, I knew exactly what I didn’t want to create. I didn’t want a business that used fear to control. I didn’t want to rule through intimidation or ego. I didn’t want to be the kind of leader who needed blind loyalty more than honest feedback.
Instead, I built my company with freedom, accountability, and respect as its foundation. Because I’d lived on the other side. I’d seen how toxic systems can thrive whether they call themselves churches, businesses, or families.
And here’s the painful truth I’ve learned over the years: toxic systems don’t become toxic by accident.
They are designed. Deliberately. Carefully. Profitably.
There’s someone I grew up with in that organization a friend who, at one point, saw what I saw. We talked about the hypocrisy, the manipulation, the control. We hated it. We promised each other we’d never be like that.
But life took us on different paths.
When I left the organization as a teenager, I landed in a juvenile facility, then a boys home in Houston. I came out determined to build a life. In my early twenties, with All Nation just getting off the ground, I reconnected with this old friend.
I thought we’d pick up where we left off shining light on the darkness we escaped.
But something had changed.
He wasn’t angry anymore. He had rationalizations. He defended things he once criticized. We got into a heated conversation, and I’ll never forget what he said:
“Ben, you ran away. But I’m a fighter. What kind of man would I be if I saw these issues and didn’t stick around to fix them?”
It stunned me. And for years, that sentence haunted me.
But here’s what I’ve come to understand:
You can’t fix a system that was built to be broken.
You don’t “change it from the inside.” You get changed by staying inside it.
Whether it’s a toxic religious group, a manipulative relationship, or a soul-crushing job you don’t reform these things. You leave them. Because staying doesn’t make you strong. It makes you complicit.
To my old friend, I say this:
You didn’t beat them. You joined them.
You became the person you once vowed to fight against. The kind of person who uses others, crushes dissent, and calls it loyalty. The kind of person who breaks people in the name of “saving” them.
If you’re reading this and you’re in a toxic religious group, an abusive relationship, or a manipulative workplace hear this loud and clear:
You do not have to stay.
You do not have to prove your strength by enduring.
You do not owe your soul to anyone who profits from your silence.
Leaving may cost you everything you’ve ever known.
But staying will cost you who you are. Sometimes the strongest, most courageous thing you can do is walk away. Start over. Learn the lessons. Build something better.
I don’t write this out of anger but out of deep sadness. I believe relationships can be rebuilt. But not through endless suffering. Not through staying silent.
They’re rebuilt when someone finally draws a line in the sand.
And to my friend, I have drawn mine. You cannot cross it not until you stop protecting the system that stole our youth, our truth, and your soul.
Stay Strong. Stay Focused. Stay in Business.
Because business, like life, should be built on something better than fear.
